Author: Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™


“What is your PROBLEM?” Have you ever gotten exasperated and
asked someone that in “that” tone of voice?

Mary: “I want to move near my grandchildren, but how on earth
will I move myself up there alone?” You: “Just call a moving
company. What is your PROBLEM?”

Abby: “I hate being an entrepreneur, but you have no idea how
hard it is to get back into a corporation with all the
downsizing. You: “Just call a career coach. What is your
PROBLEM?”

Millicent: “I ought to get a raise, but how on earth do I ask
him for one?” You: “Just ask. What is your PROBLEM?”

Antonio: “How on earth do I tell my wife I’m in love with
another woman?” You: “Just tell her. What is your PROBLEM?”

Liu: “I hate this house. I hate it.” You: You’ve been saying
that for 3 years now. What is your PROBLEM?”

What is the PROBLEM when the solution is so EASY?

++Easy to us who are on the outside. ++Easy to us who are not
emotionally involved and can therefore be objective ++Easy for
us who are not hamstrung by ambivalence (indecision) and can
think clearly ++Easy for us because we can think logically, and
the steps are obvious IF the decision has been made AND there
are no emotions involved.

How do you ask for a raise? Gosh, there must be 50 ways to ask
for a raise.

Remember that great old song by Paul Simon, “There Must Be 50
Ways to Leave Your Lover”? He’s talking with a woman

”The problem is all inside your head,” she tells him. “The
answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you
with your struggle to be free. There must be 50 ways to leave
your lover.”

When we’re in an emotional situation, we can be “flooded” and
unable to think clearly. We get “hijacked.” How do you ask for a
raise? You ask for a raise. And it can really get painful to be
hung up that way.

“It grieves me so to see you in such pain,” she continues in the
song. “I wish there was something I could do to make you smile
again.”

He says he appreciates that, and would she please explain about
the 50 ways?

Slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don’t need to
be coy, Roy Just listen to me.

Hop on the bus, Gus You don’t need to discuss much Just drop off
the key, Lee And get yourself free.

And then she has a good idea. “Why don’t we just sleep on it
tonight,” she says, and then she kisses him, and he “realized
she probably was right there must be 50 ways to leave your
lover.”

Smart girl! Emotions motivate us. We will sit on the fence until
the pain gets too bad in one direction, or the expected pleasure
too great in the other direction.

And when we get the feelings that motivate us, we discover there
must be 50 ways to

As the poet said, “Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.”
Emotions are our guides. That’s what Emotional Intelligence is
all about.